It still seems that today people are reaching towards what is expected “the package of happiness” – grow up, study, get a degree, find a spouse, get married, make a career, buy a house, own a car, have kids…
It is quite a tight box that a person is expected to fit in. It’s like stages of growing up as a human being and people around you expect you to fit the crowd and squeeze in a box that isn’t really fit for everyone.
Do you have a checklist for life similar to this?
▪ Grow up
▪ Study
▪ Get a degree
▪ Make a career
▪ Find a spouse/companion/someone to date
▪ Get married
▪ Buy a house
▪ Buy a car
▪ Have kids
▪ Retire
▪ Have grandkids
Is this a checklist that truly makes you happy? Could you be happy with
less? Could you be happy without checking all the boxes? Who made the
list? You? Your family? Your friends? The people around you? The
society? Or do you think it’s just how life is and you should follow
everyone else, like a sheep in a flock?
People might struggle to understand that there are many ways to live a
fulfilled life. For some, the checkboxes work and they are happy as it is.
But if you feel pressured by people around you (or pressured by yourself)
to act on these checkboxes , sit down and think. Think what are the things
in life that you really want, not because someone else wants you to, but it’s
sincerely something you want and desire.
These are examples of things inconsiderate people might say:
“It’s stupid to rent a home, you really should be a grown adult and buy
your own, I can help you with applying for the mortgage. “
(I’m sorry but a mortgage isn’t for everyone)
“You really rely on public transport and walking or bicycling? You really
should buy a car by now.“ (Living without a car is quite fine and a good
choice)
“You need a degree to get on in life, just pick something, even something
you don’t desire, everyone else your age is studying too. “
(What’s the hurry? Why? Everybody finds their own things, at their own
pace.)
“You start low on the career-ladder, then you work hard and move your way up to be happy. “ (Does the career-ladder really bring you happiness? Or do you get acceptance by your career?)
“Shouldn’t you be married by now? Everyone else your age is! “
(Marriage isn’t for everyone, and not everyone yet has the right to get married. And it’s not so easy to find someone that you’d love to spend your life with.)
“Oh dear, you’re getting too old to have kids, you better hurry up! “
(Not everyone needs to have kids, and not everyone is able to have kids.)
“You should do what is expected of you. “
(Who’s expectations? What if I just did things not caring about your expectations?)
“You know, you should settle down by now, think of what others are thinking of you.”
(What is settling down? For me, it takes my freedom away, so sorry, not my thing.)
“Shouldn’t you give your parents grandchildren? “
(That isn’t a thing they can choose. One can only make choices about their own life and paths. )
“You really don’t know anything about happiness or love if you don’t have children.”
(I’m quite happy and know what love is for me, I don’t need others to tell me that.)
“A pet is a substitute for children, isn’t it time for you to move forward? “
(Pets are lovely and can be a amazing companions in life, and part of family.)
“Who’s going to take care of you when you’re old? “
(Go to a home for the elderly and you’ll see the kids aren’t there to take care of their parents. For some it works, but there are way too many lonely elderly people for that theory to work.)
Not everyone needs to do what everyone else is doing. Not everyone fits in a box, it really doesn’t give any freedom in life. Some people are happier without checklists and worrying about what others think of them or their choices in life. For others, a huge mortgage and settling down with a car and kids isn’t a dream. The dream could be to travel, experience, not to settle down, to be free and to do things that they love. And not caring about what others think.
I urge you to think, to make decisions in life that you genuinely want and make you happy. Something that others want, isn’t necessarily something you want.
